Fullness

I am empty, and I hope that someday I can be full. I have felt fullness; I felt it that night in that car, and I felt it during that long conversation, and I felt it on that cold winter walk. I cling to those moments in time, those memories that contain within them all that I desire and dream. That dance, that bonfire, even that day in the classroom when you pushed me away. All of these events linger constantly on the horizons of my brain, and I race toward them even as they recede hopelessly into the sameness of the past. There is no going back; it is futile to look to the past for the fullness I desire for my future. And yet, what is the past but a future that has already occurred? Fullness is infinite, and the fullness of the past is more vivid to me than the fullness of the future. Perhaps one day fullness will be more than a fleeting moment of contentment. Perhaps the fullness I have only experienced momentarily will become a way of life, and I will be able to laugh as fading memories of emptiness replace the past I covet so dearly now. Until then, I can only pray that I can find the momentary joy of fullness buried like hidden treasure in the desert sands of my life. Fullness in a book or film that caresses my soul; fullness in loving the people around me; fullness in my trust in a God who will one day make all things full.

May that God of fullness bless you and keep you through all the fullnesses and emptinesses of your life. If you are empty, may you find the peace and fullness that comes through the experience of being human, living, breathing, creating, and loving without reserve or limit. If you are full, may you hold fast to the blessings in your life, never growing complacent or forgetting the infinite value of the life you have been given to live for whatever length of time remains for you. And for the sake of both the empty and the full, may He come soon to restore His kingdom, where fullness will be found by all, and emptiness will be banished forever into the abyss of history.

Peace be with you.